Thursday, 28 April 2011

She is sad because she is unmarried and is asking for advice

Sheikh, I am 29 years old, I have not married yet. I always ask Allah to bless me with a righteous husband who helps me religiously and in life. I am sure that Allah will answer my prayer soon. I know all the preferable times of making dua. My problem is that I feel that every act worship I do is being done for the sake of answering my prayer. I fast because the dua of a fasting person will be answered, I pray late at night because making dua while praying late at night is accepted, I pray the sunan so that I become closer to Allah that He accepts my dua. In brief; I feel that all my worship is not purely for the sake of Allah, and this feeling suffocates me. What shall I do? 

Another thing is I am very tired because of remaining unmarried, I keep asking Allah knowing that He is the most generous, most bounteous, but I fear my sins, I fear my dua is not being answered because of my sins, what shall I do? Please sheikh, advise me and make dua for me. Please, please, ask Allah to bless me with a righteous husband, better than I deserve. May Allah reward you and bless you with the highest paradise.

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings
through it a great deal of good”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for
you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do
not know”

[al-Baqarah 2:216]. 

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one
day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and
He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If
you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah.
Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way,
they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for
you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would
not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens
have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516). 

You should note that what you have to do is to be content
with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the
best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.  

Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you
and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to
be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the
blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself
busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can
wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend
lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you
will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with
the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his
affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it
and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with
patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the
believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). 

Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of
women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than
many of those who are married. 

May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and
give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with
happiness. You are better off than many others! 

Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a
woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you
that you are alone and without a husband and children?  

Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you
are unfortunate, or that you are deprived? 

Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and
frustrations prevail over you and increase your  sense of sadness and

You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but
there are many other aspects that you have not seen. 

Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband
who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual
suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage. 

If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and
says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains
about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her
divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah
for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered. 

If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and
what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with,
this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not
being married. 

This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been
hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of
contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in
the previous message. 

Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling
and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that. 

Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her
husband beat her and hurt her. 

“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise
Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and
upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of
my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific
characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any
righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to
withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could
not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my
parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day
at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of
Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to
read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I
had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to
understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I
started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I
was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not
stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary

“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf
(interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of
the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds
that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better
in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46].  I wondered, what does the good
righteous deeds
that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all
righteous deeds. 

“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting,
charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my
heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this
path and teaching me these things.” 

Sister Umm Yamaan adds:  

“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call
to accept the will and decree of Allaah.” 

Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat
(Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 

But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is
to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she
has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be
worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for
us the generation that we want. 

But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping
Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to
Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of
Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of
Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to
theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.” 

So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a
beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one
another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely,
Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]”
[al-Tawbah 9:120]. 

Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat
(Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 

And Allaah knows best.

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