When a person admires your personality and becomes attracted to you, and then for this admiration to pass the limits (like when a girl likes another girl) how should one react to this?
How to treat this person without causing haram for him/her or yourself? Bear in mind that it is sometimes difficult to control oneself in such a trial. What do you advise a person who is like this (in terms of this life and the hereafter)?
May Allah reward you! This matter is very important, may Allah bless you with paradise.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The natural inclination is for a man to be attracted to a
woman, and for a woman to be attracted to a man. As for a person being
attracted to another member of his or her own sex, this is contrary to the
sound human nature that Allaah has instilled in people, and it does not
exist even among animals. In addition to being contrary to sound human
nature, it is at a lower level than that of animals.
Islam has refined this natural inclination and has set out
limits for it, namely marriage. The one who does not agree with these shar’i
limits would choose the immoral action of zina. As for deviant relationships
in which a girl is attracted to another girl or a man to another man, this
is a perversion and a deviation from correct, sound human nature. These
sinful relationships lead to something that is even more abhorrent than
zina, namely homosexuality between males, and improper relationships between
women lead to lesbianism, which is another kind of deviance.
Sinful relationships between members of both sexes begin with
what is called admiration or infatuation. This is a serious disease which is
widespread in all societies as the result of a spiritual vacuum and lack of
knowledge and as the result of imitating kaafir societies which have gone
against human nature. This infatuation leads to love, in which the girl
cannot bear not to see the one whom she loves; if she is not able to do
that, then she will listen to her voice or look at a picture of her. Then
that sinful relationship leads to lesbianism, which is haraam. These deviant
women do not see in a man what they see in the woman they admire of
fulfilling desire and filling the heart with love. You can say the same
thing about sinful relationships between males. The love between them leads
to infatuation in the heart, as if there were no one else in the world but
him, and if the beloved were to ask his lover to prostrate to him, he would
do it! We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. This sinful relationship
ultimately leads to the abhorrent immoral action of homosexuality, and among
those perverts you see no attraction towards a woman, even if she were the
most beautiful of women.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
What is the ruling on lesbianism and masturbation?
They replied:
Lesbianism among women is haraam, and is a major sin, because
it is an action that is contrary to the words of Allaah (interpretation of
the meaning):
“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts,
from illegal sexual acts)
6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their
right hands possess, __
for then, they are free from blame;
7. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the
transgressors”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7]
Similarly masturbation is haraam, because of these same
verses, and because it causes a great deal of harm.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq
‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah
(22/68).
Secondly:
The person who realizes that there is someone close to him
who admires him or is infatuated with him should hasten to deal with the
matter wisely. Wisdom does not mean being heedless with regard to looking,
visiting and touching, because these are things that may make his sickness
worse, and make the pain worse. Rather wisdom means offering a suitable
remedy in a suitable manner, which includes the following:
1.
Strengthening his faith, by encouraging him to do acts of
worship and avoid evil deeds.
2.
Instilling the love of Allaah and His Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in his heart.
3.
Teaching him the meaning of love for the sake of Allaah, the
basis of which is that the person who is loved for the sake of Allaah is
loved for his faith and acts of obedience, not for his appearance, image or
status.
4.
Not giving him the opportunity to make contact repeatedly or
to visit frequently; explaining to him that if a legitimate relationship
transgresses the limits it becomes haraam and must be stopped.
5.
When meeting, not allowing him to look continuously, embrace
or kiss.
6.
Giving him academic or da’wah-related tasks to do, such as
collecting evidence on a certain issue, or summarizing a book, or listening
to tapes, or doing da’wah-related activities such as calling people to
Islam, distributing pamphlets and tapes, and other things which will fill
his time with beneficial acts of worship and permissible activities.
Secondly:
If a Muslim feels that he is attracted to someone and fears
that this may be one of the tricks of the shaytaan, then he should hasten to
rid himself of it, and to treat himself, before it develops further and
becomes haraam love . If he wants to rid himself of that, he should do
several things, including the following:
1.
He should focus his heart on his Lord, for He is the Bestower
of blessings and bounty Who has granted him immense blessings, so he should
direct the love of his heart towards his Creator.
2.
He should cut off ties with everyone who he feels he is
developing an (inappropriate) attachment towards, so he should not continue
to listen to his voice or look at his image; he should try to avoid meeting
him, even if the focus of his love is a teacher, educator or relative. This
is the best remedy that he can give himself.
3.
He should continually read about the lives of righteous
people, scholars and mujaahideen, so that he can learn from those who
offered their time and their lives in the service of Islam and the Muslims
whilst he is preoccupied with looking at the image of his beloved or
enjoying listening to his voice, or reading his words. These are things that
are it is not befitting for a Muslim to do even once, so how about if this
is his whole life?!
4.
He should also ponder the grave and serious effects of these
two destructive diseases, namely haraam infatuation and love. The harm that
they cause includes the following:
(i)
Diverting a person from his
Lord and Creator to focus on a weak creature who may harm him but cannot
benefit him
(ii)
Creating worry, anxiety, grief,
confusion and depression in this world, and torment in the Hereafter
(iii)
Imagining kinds of haraam
actions with the object of his love and infatuation, such as looking,
touching and kissing with desire. That may even lead a woman to lesbianism
and a man to homosexuality to bring these images out of the realm of
imagination and into the realm of reality.
(iv)
Contamination of sound human
nature (fitnah) with a weakening of natural sexual desire, which will lead
to spoiling of a woman’s relationship with her husband and her desire for
the haraam things that she has become used to; similar effects may also
apply to men.
Fourthly:
Relationships between Muslims should be based on sharee’ah
and taqwa (piety). The one who comes together with another person on the
basis of sin in this world will find their relationship turned into one of
enmity on the Day of Resurrection.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except
Al‑Muttaqoon (the pious”
[al-Zukhruf 43:67]
Imam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said:
Allaah says: Those who were friends on the basis of
disobedience towards Allaah in this world will be enemies of one another,
disavowing one another, except for those who were friends on the basis of
fearing and obeying Allaah.
Tafseer al-Tabari (21/637).
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., every friendship that was not for the sake of Allaah,
on the Day of Resurrection will be turned into enmity, except that which was
for the sake of Allaah, for that will last because it is connected to the
One Who is eternal.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (7/237).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said:
If friendship and love are based on something other than the
best interests of both parties, then the consequences will be enmity. It can
only be in their best interests if it is for the sake of Allaah.
Even though each one of them may be helping the other to
achieve what he wants on the basis of mutual consent, this mutual consent
counts for nothing, rather it will become mutual hatred, enmity and curses,
and each of them will say to the other: Were it not for you I would not have
done that on my own, so my doom is because of me and you.
And the Lord will not prevent them from hating and cursing
one another, but if one of them wronged the other, he will be prevented from
doing that, and each of them will say to the other: It was for your own
purposes that you caused me to fall into this; like two who committed zina
will say to one another: It was for your own purposes that you did this with
me; if you had refrained I would not have been involved in it. But each of
them damaged the other equally.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/129)
The gate of repentance is open to everyone who wants to seek
His Countenance, and the blessings of faith and obedience are available to
everyone who wants to join His friends. Allaah forgives sins and accepts
repentance, and He turns bad deeds into good. He says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic
Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their
sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:70]
“And verily, I am indeed
forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none
in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant
in doing them (till his death
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