I am married and my husband treats me very well. I got to know a girl at work and I did not have any other friend apart from her because I live in the West. I got very attached to her to the extent that she led me to engage in lesbianism. I regret it and after every prayer I ask Allah to accept my repentance. Even though my husband satisfies my sexual desire, I grow weak every time and go to her. My husband does not know about this. In order to punish myself I wanted to tell him, but I look at him and I cannot do it. I have not given up prayer, in the hope that my Lord will guide me. I am very aware of my sin and I weep a great deal in hope that my Lord will forgive me. But I return to the sin. I was pregnant and had a miscarriage, and I know that this is because Allah is angry with me. Please help me. I want to resolve not to go back to it. Is there any forgiveness for me? Is there any hadd punishment due on me? Is my prayer acceptable?.
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allah to guide you and accept your repentance.
We advise you not to tell your husband about this matter and
strive to repent from it and give it up.
Always bear in mind that Allah is watching you and can see
what you are doing at all times. This is most likely to make you feel shy
before Him and venerate Him.
You should always remember death and the Hereafter and the
Reckoning. If a person remembers death a great deal he will inevitably
prepare for it by doing righteous deeds and repenting from sin.
Cut off all ties with this girl immediately. If you can move
from that job, that is essential. Continuing the relationship between you
means that there is no repentance and that the sin will continue.
Rather we tell you: if you can move from that city
altogether, then do that and do not hesitate.
There is no remedy for this disease except keeping away from
that girl altogether.
As for your prayer being accepted, that is up to Allah, but
be wary of giving up prayer; rather you should strive to do a great deal of
it and to read Qur'aan, in the hope that this may be a means of Allah
accepting your repentance and guiding you.
Listen to lectures and exhortations by well-known scholars
and daa’iyahs who are known for their trustworthiness, religious commitment,
sincerity and knowledge. Think about how Allah is forbearing towards you.
How can He be forbearing when you are persisting in disobeying Him? If He so
willed, He could punish you for this sin and you would have a bad end. Think
about how Allah has concealed your sin. What would you do if your husband
and other people found out what you are doing; it would be a big scandal.
How would your life be after that? So hasten to repent before Allah hastens
your death or punishment, in which case regret would be to no avail.
The gate of repentance is open and Allah accepts the
repentant slave and rejoices over him; He forgives him and accepts his
repentance no matter what his sin. The one who repent from sin is like one who did not sin at all.
We ask Allah to guide you