Thursday, 6 October 2011

What is the ruling on admitting a man or woman to the marital bedroom?


I wanted to check can a newly wedded couple or even normal husband and wife allow some one else to use their room or bed for sleeping purpose? ex: my Mother in law uses my bedroom in my absence for sleeping purpose. i came to know from sources that it creates differences between the husband and wife please help as this is back of my mind every day and i am facing a few minor issues with my husband because of my mother in law so its disturbing me even more.

Praise be to Allaah.


One of the things
concerning which there can be no doubt is that the marital bedroom is
particularly private; it is the wife’s chamber and private space, the
innermost part of her house, where she takes off her clothes and is alone
with her husband, which is something that she cannot do anywhere except in
this place. 

What makes this place even
more private is that it is where she keeps her private clothes, cosmetics
and adornments, and things that have to do with intimacy between husband and
wife, which no one else should see, as they are regarded as being among the
most private aspects of the marital relationship. 

What we have mentioned is
the basic principle, and no one should go against it, but there may be
specific circumstances which dictate allowing a relative to enter this
private space, either because the house is small, or because they need to
use the room for one of the women to sleep in, because it is more private
than other parts of the house, or for some other reason, but that permission
is subject to certain conditions: 

That there should be a real
need for that

That the underwear of the
couple should not be visible, or anything else that may cause embarrassment
if it is seen

That the person to whom
permission is given to enter should be trustworthy, lest he mess about with
private things in the room or tell others about it

That the husband should give
permission for this person to enter. If he refuses then that should be
heeded and one should not go against that. Similarly, the husband should not
allow anyone to enter his wife’s bedroom if she dislikes that, unless it
cannot be avoided, and the one who enters should be trustworthy, such as his
mother or sister and so on, and he should ask his wife for permission and
put her mind at rest.  

Whatever the case, the
conditions that we have mentioned here are subject to ijtihaad, and the
purpose of them is to protect the privacy of the family members, with
particular attention to the marital relationship, and protect it from being
messed about with or from breaches of confidentiality and disclosure of

Muslim (1218) narrated that
Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear
Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah,
and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the word of Allaah.
Your rights over them are that they should not allow anyone whom you dislike
to sit on your furniture. If they do that, then hit them, but in a manner
that does not cause injury or leave a mark.” 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained their rights and duties, and
said: “Your rights over them are that they should not allow anyone whom you
dislike to sit on your furniture” meaning, they should not allow anyone to
enter upon them where they sleep or elsewhere, if you dislike people sitting
on the furniture in your house. It is as if – and Allaah knows best – he was
coining a similitude, meaning that they should not honour anyone whom you
dislike. This is going against you by honouring one whom you dislike, by
allowing him to sit on the furniture, or offering food to them, and so on.
End quote. 

Sharh Riyaadh
al-Saaliheen (3/126) 


With regard to believing
that if someone sleeps in the marital bed that will cause problems between
the couple, this is a jaahili (ignorant) belief and a myth that the Muslim
should be above accepting because of his belief in Tawheed. There is nothing
in Islam that supports this idea, and there is nothing in real life that
confirms it. 


With regard to your
problems with your husband and his mother, this matter needs to be dealt
with wisely and properly by you. Seek to earn your husband’s pleasure by
being kind towards his mother, and seek to earn his mother’s love by dealing
with her kindly, giving her gifts, and speaking nicely to her, because a
kind word and good treatment win hearts. Seek reward from Allaah for putting
up with annoyance from your husband’s mother and seek to please your
husband; perhaps Allaah will create love and compassion between you and her.
Seek the help of Allaah to fulfil your husband’s rights and to be patient in
putting up with difficulties, and expect ease after hardship, and relief
after difficulty. 

For reasons why the
husband’s mother may not like the wife, and ways of dealing with the
problems that result from that, please see the answer to question no.

And Allaah knows best.

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