Desirable qualities in a husband

I am a 24 year old muslim Lebanese girl living in Ottawa, Canada. Having lived so away from home for such a long time, I often find that I need guidance with the persuite of knowledge of Islam, our great guid in life. I am wondering the virtues a woman should look for in a potential husband, more specific than for him to be a practicing moslem. As well, I regard the role of motherhood as a very precious and sacred one, any advice on having a good moslem household and rearing children to be all they can be and close to our faith? I would appreciate any comments You would have regarding this topic... Curiously yours,

Praise be to Allaah. 

Firstly, we advise you to go to one of the nearby mosques or Islamic centres, and try to go there as often as possible. This will let you get to know some righteous sisters and benefit from what you hear from them.

 The man whom a woman agrees to marry should be committed to Islam and should adhere to its rulings and morals. Other attributes and characteristics are a matter concerning which people differ.

 With regard to the education and upbringing of children, one of the most important factors in their upbringing is creating a good environment for them. This includes choosing a suitable husband; choosing a suitable home, in an area among righteous people and people with whom one would like to make friends; choosing suitable schools for them; keeping the means of corruption out of the home; having a good relationship between the husband and wife; husband and wife being in agreement concerning matters of child-rearing so that there will not be any conflict or contradiction between them. It is also important for the parents to read some suitable books on raising childre, to learn from those whom they think have raised their children well, and to set a good example to the children.

Women whom it is permissible to marry in some cases and not in others

Are there any instances in Islam where it is permissible to marry a woman in some cases and it is not permissible to marry the same woman in other cases?

Praise be to Allaah.

this issue further: 

1 – It is haraam to marry a woman who is in ‘iddah following the end of a marriage (by divorce or death) to another man, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And do not consummate the marriage until the term prescribed is fulfilled”

[al-Baqarah 2:235] 

The wisdom behind that is that there is the possibility that she might be pregnant [from the first husband], and it would result in the “waters” (sperm) being mixed and the lineage being confused (i.e., if he were to marry her before the ‘iddah was over). 

2 – It is haraam to marry a zaaniyah (a woman who has committed fornication or adultery) if she is known to have  done that, until she repents and completes her ‘iddah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Nisaa’ 24:3] 

3 – It is forbidden for a man to marry a woman whom he has divorced (talaaq) three times until she has been married to another man in a valid marriage which has been consummated, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The divorce is twice… And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband…”

[al-Baqarah 2:229-230] 

4 – It is forbidden to marry a woman who is in ihraam [for Hajj or ‘Umrah] until she has exited the state of ihraam. 

5 – It is forbidden to be married to two sisters at the same time, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: … two sisters in wedlock at the same time”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:23] 

It is also forbidden to be married to a woman and her paternal aunt or a woman and her maternal aunt at the same time, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not be married to a woman and her paternal aunt or a woman and her maternal aunt at the same time.” (Agreed upon). And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained the reason behind that when he said, “If you do that then you have broken the ties of kinship.” That is because of the jealousy that exists between co-wives, and if one of them is related to the other, the ties of kinship between them will be cut. But if a woman is divorced and her ‘iddah is over, then her sister, paternal aunt and maternal aunt become permissible for marriage (to that man), because the reason for the prohibition has ceased to exist. 

6 – It is not permissible to be married to more than four women at one time, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:3] 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who were married to more than four women to divorce some of them when they entered Islam. 

And Allaah knows best.

She stipulated the condition that if he married a second wife, that second wife would be divorced

A man got married and they stipulated the condition in the marriage contract that every woman he married would be divorced, then he got married (to another wife). What is the ruling according to the four schools?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked this question and he replied as follows: 

This condition is not binding according to the madhhab of Imaam al-Shaafa’i, and it is binding on him according to the madhhab of Abu Haneefah, so that when he gets married the divorce takes place, and when he takes a concubine she becomes free. This is also the view of Maalik. With regard to the madhhab of Ahmad, no divorce or manumission takes place, but if he gets married or takes a concubine, the matter is in the woman’s hands: if she wishes, she may stay with him, or if she wishes, she may leave him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The conditions which are most deserving of fulfillment are those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible to you.” And because a man got married subject to the condition that he would not take another wife; he referred the matter to ‘Umar, and he said, “Rights and duties are to be defined in the light of conditions.” 

So there are three views concerning this matter: 

That divorce and manumission take place.

That they do not take place, and that the woman does not have the right to leave him.

The most just of the three views, which is that divorce and manumission do not take place, but that the woman has the right to insist on the condition: if she wishes she may stay with him or if she wishes she may leave him. This is the most moderate opinion. 

Wali of Muslimah if her parents are kuffaar

Assalaammu'alaikum,
I come from a muslim family and was brought up with Islamic faith. Although, I have been through a stage in my life which I call the "dark stage" of my life, in which I was involved with "jahiliyah" practices for some years (yes, those irresponsible and sinful acts). Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with guidance and brought me to His straight path again. Since that time, I have been having a relationship with a christian girlfriend, who Alhamdulillah has accepted Islam just recently, by Allah's will. We plan to be wedded soon after we are settled. One problem is that she comes from a devout Christian family, not to mention her father being a christian priest. Ever since her family found out about our involvement, they have tried almost everything to part us, we haven't told them about my girlfriend's conversion though. Right now, our relationship has reached a point where she is willing to oppose her family and runaway from them eventually. Even though we know it will be hard to go through, my girlfriend and I really love each other. As I understand, the Islamic law requires that in marriage, a woman should be accompanied by a "wali", which to my knowledge, should come from her family. My first question, can our plan to marry without her family's consent be in accordance with Islamic law?
And second, if it can, who can be her "wali?", since not one of her family member agree with our relationship.
Thank you, assalaammu'alaikum.

Al-hamdu lillaah.

First, I offer thanks to Allaah for his grace in having guided you to the path of truth after experiencing a dark journey through 'jahiliyyah', a journey into ignorance and meaninglessness. Allaah guides to his truth whomever he wills. At this point of your life, as an expression of gratitude for Allaah's blessing, you should carry out your duties towards him and desist from the actions that gain his wrath. In fact, Allaah, at this point in your life, must take priority over everything else. You further ought to make up for what you missed in the previous part of your life, to double your efforts in performing worship and to haste in doing good deeds.

Secondly, since this lady in question has converted to Islam, thanks to Allaah, none of her kaafir family members can act as a guardian (wali) of her interests; no kaafir can act in this capacity over a Muslim. If there is a Muslim with some authority in your area over the affairs of the Muslim community, then he can act in this capacity, based on the Prophet's (peace be upon him) hadeeth:

"No marriage contract can be concluded without the presence of a Wali. A Sultan (authority figure) can act as a Wali for those without one." (see Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith number 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', hadeeth number 7556.)

If there is no authoritative Muslim person, then one should refer to the community Muslim leader or any Muslim who is just ('aadil), respected, and of high character, such as the director of the Islamic center or its imam, to conclude the marriage contract of this sister, with her consent.

He married a Christian girl in the presence of her kaafir brother

I made zeena with a christian girl and she became pregnant.In my ignorance,I thought I would make the situation right and marry her.We were married in the masjid with the imam,another muslim brother,her brother and her mother as witness.She was not muslim at the time of our marriage.She did later take shahadah before our child was born.What is the status of our marriage?What is the status of this child?What is the status of my other children by her?I have regret and remorse of what I did and I do not want go back to this,but I am concerned that my marriage is not even legal,in which case I would find myself in the same sin.What do I do to relieve myself of the predicament I have gotten myself into?

Praise be to Allaah.

This marriage is considered to be null and void, because it happened when she was pregnant as a result of zinaa, and because it was lacking in one of the essential conditions of marriage, which is the presence of two male witnesses and the acceptance of her guardian. On this basis, the marriage contract must be repeated with a Muslim walee (guardian) or qaadi (judge). The children should be named after the father on whose bed they were born and the father should not disown any one of them, because “the child is for the bed.”

He married a Christian girl in the presence of her kaafir brother

Islam Question and Answer - She got married without her father’s approval

My question is that we know that a girl’s marriage without the consent of the guardian is invalid according to the shareeah. Then there are a lot of cases where the couple have eloped and got married. My question is, if the marriage is invalid, how do these people make it valid, lets say after 5 years of marriage or 10years of marriage and they have children now.
My other question is that if a couple runs away and gets married and then after certain period, lets say 2years or 4years the parents then give consent or come to acceptance of their marriage, then is the marriage valid.
How do some one make this marriage valid?

Praise be to Allaah.  

If a woman gets married without the consent of her wali (guardian), her marriage is invalid and is not valid even if ten years have passed and even if they have children. It is essential to repeat the marriage contract after her guardian’s approval is obtained, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses.” (Narrated by Ahmad and the authors of Sunan except al-Nasaa’i. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558).

 There is a stern warning against a woman who arranges her own marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman should not arrange another woman’s marriage and a woman should not arrange her own marriage, for the zaaniyah (adulteress) is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298).

 With regard to the second question, which has to do with the approval of the wali; in this case it is essential to repeat the marriage contract, because the first nikaah was not valid. The couple must also repent sincerely to Allaah for what they have done, and Allaah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.

She got married without her father’s approval

She got married without her father’s approval

 

My sister married a man who is muslim but she married him against my Father's will. My Father is religios. He rejected that man because he has bad manners so my sister ran away and married without a Wali.

My question is : Is this Marraige Valid?

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

You father did well by not agreeing to (your sister’s)
marriage to that man who has bad manners. Allaah has put him in a position
of trust with regard to his daughters and anyone who is under his care, so
he has to make a good choice and find a husband who is suitable from the
point of view of sharee’ah. 

Your sister has done a number of wrong things, such as making
a bad choice in choosing this man who has bad manners; running away from her
father’s house; and – worst of all – getting married without a wali
(guardian). 

One of these bad deeds would be enough to understand the
extent of the wrongs that she has done towards her Lord, herself and her
family, so how about if they are combined? 

With regard to the marriage, it is invalid, because the
wali’s consent is one of the essential pillars of a valid marriage. This is
what is indicated by the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah: 

1 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“do not prevent them from marrying their (former)
husbands”

[al-Baqarah 2:232]  

2 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to
al-Mushrikoon (idolaters) till they believe (in Allaah Alone)”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 

3 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who
has no wife and the woman who has no husband)”

[al-Noor 24:32]  

From these verses we may understand that the consent of the
wali is an essential condition for marriage, because these verses are
addressed to the wali concerning the marriage of the women under his care.
If the matter was up to the woman, there would be no need to address the
wali, especially in the case of the first verse quoted, as we shall explain
below.  

Part of the fiqh of Imam al-Bukhaari is that he quoted these
verses in a chapter which he called Baab man qaala Laa nikaah illa bi
wali (Chapter: the view of those who say that there is no (valid)
marriage without a wali)’. 

With regard to the Sunnah: 

1 – It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no (valid)
marriage without a wali.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085;
Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi,
1/318). 

2 – It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who
gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid,
her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been
consummated then she is entitled to the mahr because she allowed the man to
be intimate with her. If she does not have a wali then the ruler is the wali
of one who does not have a wali.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah,
1879. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by Ibn
Hibbaan (9/384) and al-Haakim (2/183)). 

So your sister has to repent and pray for forgiveness, and
she has to go back to her father and ask him to forgive her. She should
realize that her marriage is null and void, and so it is not permissible for
her to stay with this man because he is not a legitimate husband for her. A
new contract should be done in the presence of her wali, if he agrees to her
staying with this man, after weighing up the evil of his bad manners versus
the evil of her leaving him; or if he does not approve of her staying with
him, then the marriage contract is automatically annulled, and this man
should be obliged to divorce her so as to avoid any doubts and so that the
matter will be final. 

She should agree to the person whom her father chooses for
her, and he has to look for someone person of religious commitment and good
manners who fears Allaah who will take good care of his daughter. 

And Allaah knows best.