Why do we have to love, obey, follow and venerate our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) the most (or more than any other person)?.
Praise be to Allaah.
1 – Allaah has commanded us to obey the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And obey Allaah and the Messenger (Muhammad), and beware (of even coming near to drinking or gambling or Al‑Ansaab, or Al‑Azlaam) and fear Allaah. Then if you turn away, you should know that it is Our Messenger’s duty to convey (the Message) in the clearest way”
[al-Maa'idah 5:92]
2 – Allaah has told us that obedience to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is obedience to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“He who obeys the Messenger (Muhammad), has indeed obeyed Allaah, but he who turns away, then we have not sent you (O Muhammad) as a watcher over them”
[al-Nisa’ 4:80]
3 – Allaah has warned us against failing to obey him, and that this may lead a Muslim into a fitnah that is the fitnah of shirk. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Make not the calling of the Messenger (Muhammad) among you as your calling one of another. Allaah knows those of you who slip away under shelter (of some excuse without taking the permission to leave, from the Messenger). And let those who oppose the Messenger’s (Muhammad’s) commandment (i.e. his Sunnah legal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them”
[al-Noor 24:63]
Allaah has told us that the status of Prophethood which he gave to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) requires the believers to respect and venerate the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, We have sent you (O Muhammad) as a witness, as a bearer of glad tidings, and as a warner.
9. In order that you (O mankind) may believe in Allaah and His Messenger, and that you assist and honour him, and (that you) glorify (Allaah’s) praises morning and afternoon”
[al-Fath 48:8-9]
4 – The Muslim’s faith cannot be complete unless he loves the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is dearer to him than his father, his son, his own self and all the people. It was narrated that Anas said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you truly believes until I am dearer to him than his father, his son, his own self and all the people.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 15; Muslim, 44.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Hishaam said: We were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was holding the hand of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab. ‘Umar said to him: “O Messenger of Allaah, you are dearer to me than everything except my own self.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, by the One in Whose hand is my soul, not until I am dearer to you than your own self.” ‘Umar said to him: “Now, by Allaah, you are dearer to me than my own self.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Now (you are a true believer), O ‘Umar.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6257.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The reason why it is obligatory to love the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and venerate him more than any other person is that we cannot attain the greatest good in this world or in the Hereafter except at the hands of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), by believing in him and following him. That is because no one can be saved from the punishment of Allaah, and the mercy of Allaah cannot reach him except by means of the Prophet, by believing in him, loving him, being loyal to him and following him. This is the means by which Allaah will save him from punishment in this world and in the Hereafter. This is the means by which he will attain what is good in this world and in the Hereafter. The greatest blessing is the blessing of faith, which can only be attained through him, and which is more beneficial than his own self and his wealth. He is the one by means of whom Allaah brings people forth from darkness into light, and there is no other way to Allaah. As for a person’s self and family, they will not avail him anything before Allaah… Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 27/246.
One of the scholars said: If a person thinks of the benefits that he has been given through the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), through whom Allaah brought him forth from the darkness of kufr into the light of faith, he will realize that he is the cause of his soul remaining forever in eternal bliss, and he will understand that this benefit is greater than all others. So he (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) deserves that his share of a person’s love should be greater than anyone else’s. But people vary with regard to that, depending on the extent to which they bear that in mind or neglect it. Everyone who truly believes in the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will inevitably have a strong love for him, but they differ in the extent and depth of their love for him. Some of them have a great deal of love for him and some have only a little, like those who are absorbed in their own whims and desires most of the time. But when mention of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is made, most of them long to see him, and prefers that to their own family, sons, wealth and fathers. But that feeling quickly fades because of other distractions. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. See Fath al-Baari, 1/59
This is what is referred to in the verse where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The Prophet is closer to the believers than their ownselves”
[al-Ahzaab 33:6]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
[Allaah] knew how compassionate His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was towards his ummah, and how sincere he was towards them, so He made him closer to them than their own selves, and decreed that his judgement among them should take precedence over their own preferences. (6/380).
Shaykh Ibn Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah tells the believers something by which they may understand the position and status of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him, so that they might interact with him appropriately. So He said: “The Prophet is closer to the believers than their ownselves”, the closest that he could be to a person, and closer than his own self. So the Messenger is closer to him than his own self, because he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was so kind and sincere and compassionate towards them. He was the kindest and most merciful of mankind. The Messenger of Allaah did the greatest of favours to all of mankind. Not the slightest good came to them and not the slightest harm was warded off from them except through him. Hence if there is a conflict between what a person himself wants or what other people want, and what the Messenger wants, then what the Messenger wants must take precedence. What the Messenger says cannot be overridden by what any person says, no matter who he is. They should sacrifice their selves, their wealth and their children, and put love for him before their love for all others.
What the scholars have said may be summed up by noting that the wrath of Allaah and the Fire of Hell are the things that we fear the most, and we cannot be saved from them except at the hands of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The pleasure of Allaah and the garden of Paradise are the things that we want the most, but we cannot attain them except at the hands of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to the former when he said: “The likeness of me and you is that of a man who lit a fire and grasshoppers and moths started falling into it, and he tried to push them away. I am seizing your waistbands and trying to pull you away from the Fire but you are trying to get away from me.”
(Muslim, 2285, from the hadeeth of Jaabir; a similar hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3427 from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah).
What is meant by this hadeeth is that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened the way in which the ignorant and disobedient rush to fall into the Fire of the Hereafter by means of their sins and whims and desires to the Fire, and their keenness to fall into that Fire, even though he is trying hard to prevent them from doing so to the way in which moths and other insects are fatally attracted to the fire. Both of them are keen to destroy themselves because of their ignorance of the consequences.
(Sharh Muslim by al-Nawawi)
The latter was referred to by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “All of my ummah will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, who would refuse?” He said: “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise and whoever disobeys me has refused.”
Al-Bukhaari, 7280, from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Why do we have to love the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) more than any other person?
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
His wife does not accept advice. What is the solution?
I got maried 4 years before. My wife was not having any religious attitude at all. She was strongly against observing hijab/niqab. She didn't even covered her head. On my asking to observe hijab, she simply refused and said that she was a learned girl and that she knows her good or bad. I didn't loose heart and kept on trying to convince her and engrave in her heart the fear and greatness of allah. Now after 4 years, there is a little improvement. She has started a little bit of hijab(i.e., she covers her head and chest) but is still not convinced to do niqaab. She offers her prayer but recites quran wrongly (i.e., her pronunciation is not correct). She is not interested to learn reading quran. She is casual to learn about the problems of her periods and mixes up her days and leaves the prayers one or two days more than her periods. She doesnot accept any body's remarks and considers her own decision as final. What line of action should I adopt as she does not bear any harsh words or behavior.
Undoubtedly your wife is persisting in making a serious mistake, and we ask Allaah to guide her. The most serious thing that you mention about her is the matter of her careless attitude towards prayer, because not praying leads – Allaah forbid – to one becoming beyond the pale of Islam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “What stands between a man and shirk or kufr is his giving up prayer.” (Narrated by Muslim, 82). This applies to one who does not pray at all. But some of the scholars (may Allaah have mercy on them) thought that a person who fails to pray one prayer on time also becomes a kaafir. See al-Mughni, 3/354). This points to the seriousness of the matter.
You have done your duty towards your wife by guiding and advising her, and this has borne fruit. Even though it may be incomplete, it is still a positive step which indicates that there is goodness in your wife and that she is prepared to change the rest. Yes, that may be slow but it is possible. You see that in the beginning she was not convinced of hijaab and did not wear it at all, but after the noble efforts on your part she has started to wear it partially. Even though it is not full hijaab as it should be worn, it still gives us hope and points to hidden goodness in her. You can bring it to the surface so that she will wear proper hijaab on the basis of conviction and her own desire to do it, as time goes by and as you continue your efforts. This means that you must continue to advise her and not give up, and you will be rewarded for that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one man were to be guided at your hands, that will be better for you than red camels [i.e., the best kind].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6).
Always remind her of Allaah and make her fear Him; tell her of the importance of prayer in Islam and that she has to learn the things that have to do with prayer, such as the rulings on menstruation and post-partum bleeding, because it is obligatory on every woman, when her bleeding stops, to hasten to do ghusl when the time for prayer comes. Try to bring her useful books on that topic, such as the essay by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on “The Natural Blood of Women” or some useful tapes. You can help her by sitting and reading with her, or listening to the tapes with her, because this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety.
[Translator’s note: Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen’s essay is available in English with additional notes by Bilaal Philips, under the title Islamic Rules on Menstruation and Post-Natal Bleeding, published by Dar al-Fatah, Sharjah, UAE].
With regard to what you mention about her mistakes in reading Qur’aan, if the mistakes are in her recitation of al-Faatihah and are such that they distort or change the meanings of the words – such as reading an’amta [“You [masculine] have bestowed Your grace”] as an’amti [i.e., feminine form of the verb], or any other mistake which would make a listener understand something other than the correct meaning – this means that she has to learn how to read properly, because such mistakes make the prayer invalid, as reciting al-Faatihah is a pillar or essential part of the prayer, without which the prayer is not valid. But if the mistakes do not change the meaning , such as reading “ar-Rahmaan ir-Raheem” as “ar-Rahmaan ur-Raheem”, this does not invalidate the prayer.
The Muslim must learn to read Qur’aan so that he can recite it correctly, and so that he will not distort the Qur’aan without realizing.
You have to help her with that, either by teaching her yourself, or by showing her things that will help her, such as tapes of the Qur’aan by readers who are known to recite well. You must also explain to her the virtues of reading Qur’aan and the reward for that.
So in conclusion you have to continue teaching and advising her, and be patient in doing so. Do not say that she has only responded a little after so much time and effort, for even this little is blessed by Allaah. We have a good example in the Prophets, for Nooh called his people for nine hundred and fifty years. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed We sent Nooh (Noah) to his people, and he stayed among them a thousand years less fifty years [inviting them to believe in the Oneness of Allaah (Monotheism), and discard the false gods and other deities]”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:14]
Yet despite that only a few of his people believed in him.
Make her enjoy learning about her religion by making it easy for her. Encourage her if you see that she is responding to you, even if it is something small. Know that you are an example for her, so watch what you do and say. Beware of telling her to do something then being the first one to go against that, or of telling her not to do something then being the first one to do it, for this will stop her from accepting your advice, or will delay her.
You have to be gentle in the way you advise her, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is Kind and loves kindness, and He confers upon kindness that which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).” (Narrated by Muslim, 2593).
You must also make a lot of du’aa’ and beseech Allaah to open her heart to obedience towards Him and make His religion and laws beloved to her. I ask Allaah to help you to do good.
He is attracted to beardless youths; how can he rid himself of this sickness?
I have the problem of being attracted to beardless youths and I have no desire for women. The reason for this may be a bad experience that I had in childhood. I try to be patient as much as I can. I lower my gaze and I know that this is haraam, and I do not regard it as permissible. I ask Allaah for forgiveness and I pray “O Allaah, purify my heart and keep me chaste.” I do not think that marriage is a solution for me, because I have no desire for women. I fast on Mondays and Thursdays. But this is still in my heart. What should I do? Is there anything that will compensate me in Paradise? I ask Allaah to forgive me if there is any transgression in my question.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Remember that this is one of the most serious of problems, and that it may lead a person to doom. It may affect his mind and make him go insane, or it may affect his physical health and make him ill, or it may affect his religious commitment and cause him to be doomed, and lead him to a bad end. So beware of continuing with this and strive hard, seeking the help of your Lord, to rid yourself of this evil inclination, and look at those who have been affected by this so that you may learn a lesson from them.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It is narrated that a man fell in love with someone and became totally infatuated with him, and that love became deeply rooted in his heart until he fell ill, and took to his bed because of it, and that person tried to keep away from him and felt great resentment towards him. Intermediaries kept going between them until he promised to visit him. The sick man was told of that and he rejoiced greatly and his anxiety was dispelled, and he began to look forward to the appointment that had been set. Whilst he was like that, the intermediary came and said: He came part way with me then he went back, but I encouraged him and spoke to him, and he said: He remembered me, and rejoiced about me, but I will not enter because I will not expose myself to accusations. I tried to change his mind but he insisted, and left. When the sick man heard that, he was filled with despair and became worse than he had been before, and appeared to be in the throes of death, and he started saying:
Your pleasure is dearer to my heart than the mercy of the Almighty, the Creator
I said: O So and so, fear Allaah. He said: This is how I feel.
I got up and left, and I had barely passed through the door when I heard the cry of death.
Allaah forbid that we should meet with a bad end.
End quote.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 117)
What do you think? Would a wise Muslim want to die as that sick lover died, who gave precedence to the pleasure of his beloved over the pleasure of His Creator Who created him and formed him and granted him provision and guided him to Islam, and bestowed upon him blessings both apparent and invisible? If you say that you would not want that – which is what we think you would say – then you should know that you are travelling the same path as him and that there may befall you what befell him, if you do not check yourself.
Remember that this is the path that was first travelled by the people of Loot, namely the love of beardless youths, then Allaah punished them in a way that no nation has been punished before or since. Allaah turned their houses upside down and caused the earth to swallow them up, and He pelted them with stones and took away their sight.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, explaining different types of love:
A kind of love that is incurs the wrath of Allaah and leads to one being remote from His mercy and is the most harmful to a person’s spiritual and worldly interests, is love of beardless youths. No one is afflicted with this but one who become worthless in the sight of Allaah and has been expelled from His door and whose heart is far away from Him. It is one of the worst obstacles that keep a person away from Allaah, as one of the salaf said: If a person becomes worthless in the sight of Allaah, He afflicts him with the love of beardless youths. This is the love that brought the punishment upon the people of Loot, and the only reason for this punishment was this type of love. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, by your life (O Muhammad صلىالله عليه وسلم), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly” [al-Hijr 15:72]. End quote.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 173, 174)
Secondly:
Remember that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes are things that the afflicted person has brought upon himself. The one who wants to be saved from his predicament must look at these causes and rid himself of them, otherwise he will be content with his situation and unwilling to change it for something that is better. These causes may include the following:
1 – Weakness of faith and lack of love for Allaah in one’s heart, and a lack of fear of His punishment.
2 – Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and appearance.
This is the first route that the affected person takes to sin. His Lord has commanded him to lower his gaze and avoid looking at haraam things, and his Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has enjoined him likewise. If he ignores the command and does that which is forbidden, then Iblees has shot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and finished him off.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed will inevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 106
Hence the scholars forbade looking at beardless youths, and some of them regarded it as more haraam than looking at women.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Similarly the scholars forbade a man to look at the face of a beardless youth if he is handsome, whether with or without desire, and whether it is free of fitnah (temptation) or there is the fear thereof. This is the correct view which was favoured by the scholars. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and the prominent scholars of his madhhab (may Allaah have mercy on them). The evidence for this is that a beardless youth is, in some ways, like a woman; he may be desired as a woman is desired, and his form may be beautiful like that of a woman, and many of them may be more beautiful than many women. The prohibition applies more to them for another reason, which is that in their case there may result from attachment to them types of evil that do not occur in the case of women. End quote.
Sharh Muslim (4/31).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Looking at the face of a beardless youth with desire is like looking as the face of a mahram or a non-mahram woman with desire, whether the desire is desire for intercourse or the desire to derive pleasure from looking. If he looks at his mother, sister or daughter with pleasure derived from looking like the pleasure derived from looking at a non-mahram woman, then it is known to everyone that this is haraam. The same applies to looking at the face of a beardless youth, according to scholarly consensus. End quote.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/413) and (21/245).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) also said:
The one who looks repeatedly at a beardless youth and the like, or persists in that, and says “I am not looking with desire” is lying, because if he has no need to look, then he is only looking because of the pleasure that he feels in his heart as a result. As for an accidental glance, it is forgiven, if he averts his gaze.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/419) and (21/251).
The kind of looking with which these sick people are afflicted includes what they watch on satellite channels and what they see in newspapers and magazines, and on websites, of pictures of children and beardless young men, and this is what provokes them to commit immoral actions.
3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship
If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]
So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?
4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams
The Book of Allaah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin.
If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.
5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge
Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allaah has prepared for them.
6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem
If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.
7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.
8 – Not getting married
Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male?
Thirdly:
The one who wants to deal with his problem and rid himself of it should look for the reasons why he has fallen into the haraam actions of looking, mixing and keeping company with beardless youths, and rid himself of them by giving them up. Trying to treat the problem without addressing the causes of sickness is a remedy that is doomed to failure and will never succeed. There follow some treatment methods for the one who wants to rid himself of this problem and try to free himself from the trap of the shaytaan, and seek the pleasure of Allaah. These include:
1 – Strengthening one’s faith by means of acts of worship, including fasting, filling one’s heart with love of Allaah, and fearing His punishment.
2 – Preventing oneself from looking at beardless youths with or without desire, and not keeping company with them or sitting with them at all, and not being alone with them, even for teaching Qur’aan.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The favoured view is that being alone with a handsome, non-mahram beardless youth is like being alone with a woman, and it is haraam to be alone with him just as it is haraam to be alone with a woman, unless one is with a group of men ofgood character. End quote.
Sharh al-Nawawi (9/109).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
As for keeping company with beardless youths, especially with one of them, as they do, which may lead to being alone with a handsome beardless youth or letting him stay overnight with a man, and so on, these are among the worst of evils, according to the Muslims, and according to the Jews and Christians, and others. End quote.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (11/542).
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is not permissible to be alone with a beardless youth even if that is with the intention of teaching him, because the shaytaan flows through the son of Adam like blood. How many people have becomes infatuated with these beardless youths and fell into the trap of the shaytaan and whims and desires. This is a matter which must be warned against. End quote.
Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (1/294, 295).
3 – Praying regularly and on time, and being keen to do regular Sunnah and naafil prayers.
4 – Reciting a portion of Qur’aan regularly, and reciting the adhkaars for morning and evening, and reading about the lives and biographies of the imams.
5 – Seeking knowledge by reading, listening and watching. This is something that is required of every Muslim.
6 – Filling one’s time with acts of worship and obedience, and that which will be of benefit in one's spiritual and worldly affairs.
7 – Shunning bad company and looking for righteous friends to stay close to and benefit from their knowledge and good attitude.
8 – Seeking to get married straight away, to satisfy one’s desires in a permissible manner.
9 – Seeking the help of Allaah by calling upon Him and asking Him to save him from this sickness and calamity.
10 – Thinking about those who have fallen into this haraam kind of love and what it has led to, such as insanity, sickness and apostasy – Allaah forbid.
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
The remedy for this awful sickness is to seek the help of the One Who has control of the hearts and to turn sincerely to Him, keeping busy with remembrance of Him (dhikr) and trying to fill his heart with love for Him and closeness to Him, and thinking of the pain that may result from this love and pleasure, which leads to the loss of that which is most loved and the infliction of that which is most disliked. But if in spite of all that he still feels that he prefers to persist in his misguidance, then he should realize that there is no hope for him.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 174).
For more information please see the answer to question no. 27176.
And Allaah knows best.
She loves her husband madly and is looking for a solution
I love my husband madly and he is perfectly happy with me. When he went away for work and I was waiting to join him, I began to miss him and could not rest until he spoke to me. Although I do my religious duties, I feel something lacking when he is not here. What do you advise me to do so that I can be patient until I see him?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is wonderful to see Muslim homes that are filled with love and compassion. When we see that love and compassion between the spouses in particular, we are very happy about it, because that love and compassion will have a good effect on the family members. One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created woman from man and it is a sign of His wisdom that He created woman to be a course of comfort and tranquillity for the man. Allah, may He be exalted, mentioned that with regard to Adam and Hawwa’, and all people in general, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
This has to do with Adam and Eve. With regard to humanity in general, Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them”
[ar-Room 30:21].
And Allah, may He be exalted, created love and compassion between the spouses, as He says at the end of the verse from Soorat ar-Room quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):
“…and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Allah, may He be exalted, says: “and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
In this verse we see that Allah created Hawwa’ from Adam so that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her, i.e., find comfort in her. Elsewhere Allah said that He created the spouses of Adam’s offspring likewise. That is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Adwa’ al-Bayaan, 2/304, 305
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no love between any two souls greater than that that exists between the spouses.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/525
But we do not mean that the love should be “mad” or “crazy” as people say. Rather it should be moderate and appropriate. Zayd ibn Aslam narrated that his father said: ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab said to me: O Aslam, do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive.
I said: How is that?
He said: When you love, do not go to a level of obsession as a child does with the thing he loves, and when you hate, do not hate in such a way that you want your opponent to be destroyed and doomed.
Narrated by ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq in al-Musannaf, 20269; its isnaad is saheeh.
The Rightly-Guided Caliph (‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab) gave this advice because obsessiveness in love (loving madly) has negative effects on the one who loves and the one who is loved. Its effects on the one who loves are:
(a) His thoughts are focused on his beloved, which causes him anxiety and tension, and this distraction causes him to waste time and leads to mental and physical illness
(b) Another of the effects of loving madly is that it makes the one who loves turn a blind eye to any shortcomings in his beloved’s performance of duties and to his committing any haraam actions. And if his beloved asks him to join him in his actions, then his insane love will lead him to do so.
(c) Another of the negative effects of this love is that it dominates his heart in such a way that there is no room for love of Allah and His Messenger, which is the means of his salvation, let alone love for anyone else such as family and children
(d) Another of the negative effects is that the one who is madly in love cannot cope with the absence or illness of his beloved, let alone his death!
The negative effects of insane love on the one who is loved include the following:
(a) He may suffer tension because of the lover’s insistence on seeing him and sitting with him, which may lead to his neglecting his work or falling short in tasks on which he should focus his mind and heart, such as seeking beneficial knowledge and doing righteous deeds.
(b) Another of the negative effects it may have on him is that he will never find this lover offering him sincere advice; rather he will turn a blind eye to his mistakes and shortcomings. As it is said, your love of a thing makes you blind and deaf!
(c) Another of its negative effects is that if he responds to the one who loves him, he will waste his time with him, and if he does not, he will cause him anxiety, which may lead him to hate him in the end.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If a man’s heart is attached to a woman, even if she is permissible for him, he will remain captive to her and she will be able to control him as she wishes. Outwardly he will appear to be her master because he is her husband, but in reality he is her captive and slave, especially if she realises his need for her and his love for her, and that he cannot find any alternative to her. In that case she will have control over him like an unjust, domineering master over his weak slave who cannot free himself from him, or even worse! Because captivity of the heart is worse than physical captivity and enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. The one whose body is enslaved will not care if his heart is free and at peace; rather he may be able to find away to freedom. But if the heart that is in control of the body is that is enslaved and infatuated with something other than Allah, then this is true humiliation, the worst kind of captivity and enslavement to that which enslaved the heart. … True freedom is freedom of the heart and true enslavement is enslavement of the heart, just as true richness is richness of the soul. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Richness is not having a great deal of accumulated wealth; rather richness is richness of the soul.” This applies if what has captured his heart is something permissible; as for the one whose heart is enslaved by something haraam, such as a woman or boy, this is pain and suffering from which there is no way out, and these are the people whose suffering will be the worst and their reward will be the least, for if a person’s heart is devoted to something and remains attached and enslaved to it, then this will cause him all kinds of evil and corruption that cannot be enumerated except by the Lord of mankind, even if he manages to avoid committing the greater act of immorality.
End quote from Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 10/185-186
We are very happy to hear of your honouring your husband and of your love for him, but we would be even happier if you made your love for him reasonable. You should understand that bothering your husband, always calling him, or insisting that he stay at home or not undertake a particular trip will all cause him stress and make it difficult for him to get on with different tasks in life. We want there to be in your house a healthy atmosphere of love that could help the family and future children, in sha Allah, to achieve high goals and to strive to support His religion and be a help to His righteous slaves.
What we also advise you to do is:
(a) Fulfil the religious duties that are required of you and do naafil acts of worship too.
(b) Regularly recite the adhkaar of the morning and the evening
(c) Seek knowledge by reading or listening
(d) Call women among your neighbours and relatives to Allah
(e) Try to have shar‘i love in your heart towards Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by following the commands, heeding the prohibitions, loving the religion of Allah, defending it and spreading it among people, and having natural love towards your parents and children.
All of that will give a meaning to your life that is more sublime than devoting your life only to your husband and loving him only.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make the love and compassion between you lasting and to bless you with righteous offspring,
And Allah is the source of strength.
Her wali repeatedly refused suitors; can she arrange her own marriage?
I am 31 years old teacher. I have been a teacher since 1996. In the end of 1997 a colleague proposed to me, and I asked him to wait until my older sister gets married. She got married in 2000, and then this colleague came to propose to me at home. My father refused him, although my mother accepted. He justified his refusal by saying that I will continue my masters and I might get appointed at university. My father refused many men because none of them is good enough in his view and he thinks that my chance could be much better (an engineer was one of those who proposed to me). In 2002 I was appointed as a tutor at university, and many men proposed to me but my father refused because he thinks that marriage will distract me from my studies. One of them was a doctor; my father refused him because he thought that he is greedy of my salary.
My first colleague proposed to me again but my father again refused him because he is a teacher while I am a tutor at university.
Although I told my father that I completely accept him as a husband for me as he is of a similar educational background, he is also resuming him masters. He is also of a similar cultural and social background as me. He is religious, moral and has good financial circumstances.
Since 2003 until now, the end of 2006, no one proposed to me apart from the first colleague. He strongly wishes to marry me and I so do I. My father says that if I stay without marriage is better for him than if I marry a teacher because I have a big salary and I do not need marriage unless a really good chance comes. A good chance mean he must have a very good profession (specifically very few professions) and he must be rich. My father is serious about this. I am suffering a lot; my ambition is not to have a very respectful career. My ambition is to have a family.
My question:
Is it permissible for me to get myself married without my wali’s permission and approval? Is he an inadequate wali for me? Please answer me in detail, may Allah have mercy on you and reward you!.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709.
The woman’s guardian is her father; then her paternal grandfathers, no matter how far the line of ascent reaches; then her son and his sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches (this applies if she has a son); then her (full) brother through her father and mother; then her (half) brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then her paternal uncles; then their children, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler. (al-Mughni 9/355).
But if the wali repeatedly refuses the proposal of a compatible suitor, he is to be regarded as preventing the marriage of the female relative under his care, and his guardianship is thus rendered null and void, and that right is transferred to the next closest relative on the father’s side.
Secondly:
The compatibility that counts here is compatibility in religious commitment. There is no difference between an Arab and a non-Arab, or between black and white, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Some of the fuqaha’ listed other conditions of compatibility, such as lineage and so on. The fact that the suitor is a teacher and you are a (university) tutor does not mean that he is not compatible with you, so long as he is of good character and religiously committed, and he is comfortably off in material terms, as you mentioned.
Thirdly:
What we think is that you should try to advise your father again, and seek help in doing so from someone who will be acceptable to him such as a relative or friend. If he agrees to give you in marriage to this suitor, this is what you want; otherwise you should refer to the matter to the guardian (wali) who comes after him, according to the order mentioned above. If he refuses to arrange your marriage, or there is a conflict among the guardians, then refer the matter to the qaadi and appoint him to arrange your marriage.
Fourthly:
What this guardian and others like him do is very strange, when they turn their daughters into trade goods to be offered to the highest bidder, or to the one who is better off than others. Even stranger than that is when they claim that the daughter has no need to get married! What does this poor man understand about need? Doesn’t he know that people need comfort, love and compassion, and that they have natural needs that Allaah has created in them, by His wisdom, may He be glorified? The woman’s wali has to fear Allaah and understand that preventing his daughter or sister from getting married to a compatible suitor who is pleased with her is regarded as wrongdoing and transgression and implies that he is an evildoer (faasiq) whose good character is sullied and whose testimony is to be rejected.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.
The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.
Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage because that is her right according to sharee’ah.
Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because she has the right to that, and because her going to the qaadi and his arranging her marriage serves the interests of others too, because others will come just as she has, and her coming to the qaadi will serve as a deterrent to those who wrong those whom Allaah has put under their care and prevent them from marrying compatible men. In other words, this serves three purposes:
1. The woman’s own interests, so that she will not stay without a husband.
2. The interests of others, because it will open the door for women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent they can follow.
3. Preventing those oppressive walis who make decisions for their daughters or other women under their guardianship according to their own moods or what they themselves want.
This also serves the purpose of establishing the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”
It also serves a specific interest, which is arranging marriages for those who are suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, thus protecting them from going astray and falling into haraam.
Quoted from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/148
We ask Allaah to help you to do that which in which is goodness and success.
And Allaah knows best.
She hates her husband and fears that she may fall into zina if she stays with him
I got married five years ago. I do not obey my husband neither I love him. We separated twice. He is sexually weak, when I returned to him the last time I just felt I hate him and I do not want to live with him. The only reason of me returning to him was my son. I have committed zina, and I want to repent from this great sin and expiate, but I feel that if I stay with him I will commit this sin again. Shall I leave him for the third time?.
Firstly:
Zina is a grave sin, especially on the part of one whom Allaah has blessed with marriage and who has responded to the blessing with ingratitude, betrayed her husband, transgressed against his honour and contaminated his bed. Hence the punishment for this married woman is to be stoned to death, as a punishment from Allaah, and Allaah is Almighty and All-Wise.
But by His mercy, He is kind to His slave and gives him respite and allows him to repent, and He accepts that from him and gives reward for that. How merciful, great and kind He is, may He be glorified and exalted.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
So continue to repent and beseech Allaah to accept it from you, and beware of your self that is inclined towards evil, lest you take for granted Allaah’s kindness towards you and His covering of your sins, for He gives respite but does not forget, and when He becomes angry He punishes.
Secondly:
You have to block all the ways that lead to haraam, such as tabarruj (wanton display of adornment), free mixing, correspondence and phone calls. This is part of your repentance and mending your ways. You must beware of the traps of the shaytaan, for the shaytaan has traps and tricks whereby he tempts his friends, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All‑Hearer, All‑Knower”
[al-Noor 24:21]
Thirdly:
If you do not want to stay with him and you cannot stand him, and you fear that if you do that you will fall into zina, then there is nothing wrong with you asking for a divorce, but you should think about the consequences of doing that and what your situation will be after that. Pray to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah) before doing that. See question no. 11981 for information about the istikhaarah prayer.
The evidence that it is permissible to seek a divorce if a woman hates her husband and cannot bear to stay with him is the report narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh (4867), that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate to commit an act of kufr when I am a Muslim.” [Ibn Majaah (2056 added): and I cannot stand him ] The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”
What is meant by “I would hate to commit an act of kufr when I am Muslim” is: I would hate to do a deed that is contrary to Islam such as hating my husband or disobeying him or not fulfilling his rights, and so on.
See: Fath al-Baari (9/400).
But we advise you, before you ask for a divorce, to try to set things straight first, for divorce is something that Allaah hates and does not love. So try to appoint a wise man from your family to speak to your husband and find out the reasons for the problem, and try to reconcile between you. What you say about his being weak can be worked out with your husband frankly, for Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth. If it is the matter of sickness, there is nothing wrong with him going to the doctor.
But if it too difficult for you and your attempts at reconciliation do not succeed, then in sha Allaah there is nothing wrong with you asking for a divorce in that case.
We ask Allaah to set our affairs and those of all the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.
She is married to a Muslim and hijab is putting her off Islam
My husbad is Muslim and has talked frequently about me becoming Muslim myself. I just have one concern... the women being covered. Why do they need to cover themselves and only reveal what is odinarily revealed. I am American, we reveal almost the entire body here. I just want to get an understanding.
Praise be to Allaah.
There can be no doubt that Allaah only enjoins that in which there is wisdom, but in some cases the wisdom behind some rulings may be hidden from people, and in some cases it may be quite obvious – such as the prohibition on alcohol which clouds the mind and hinders people from the remembrance of Allaah and from prayer [cf. al-Maa'idah 5:91].
The wisdom behind the prescription of hijab is one of the most clear, because it is a covering for woman and guards their chastity, and it prevents the foolish from making approaches and harassing them. How often has a woman’s hijab prevented the devils among mankind from harrassing her? How often have unveiled women made a display of their beauty and charms, which has led to their being harrassed by the foolish? Concerning this, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59]
This verse gives the complete answer to your question, because Allaah mentions here the command to His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to tell his wives and daughters and the believing women to wear hijab, and it mentions the wisdom behind that, which is so that they may be protected and not exposed to annoyance.
When women go out showing most of their bodies – as the questioner mentions – this is one of the greatest causes of crime and corruption of men’s morals, and of the spread of immorality. It is also degrading for woman, as we see women becoming cheap products for business-owners and advertisers, who show woman half-naked and devoid of modesty in order to attract customers and market their products.
A woman’s body belongs to her and is not to be shared with people. When she gets married it belongs to her husband and she should not let anyone else have a share in it. What does a woman want when she shows her body and exposes her charms to onlookers? Does she just want them to look and stare, and what is the affect of that on rapists and the foolish? How are you going to stop them from getting what they want by attacking you and trying to rape you. Are you going to show some meat to the hungry and then try to stop them from eating it?
In a modern study it was shown that:
65% of female workers are exposed to sexual harassment in their place of work in some European countries.
18% of women in America have been raped or been subjected to attempted rape at some stage in their lives.
More than half of victims were under the age of 17.
Kitaab Ihsaa’aat, Diraasaat, Arqaam (p. 140).
Islamic sharee’ah brought that which is best for men and for women, and for the family and society. It does not impose restrictions on women as some enemies of Islam claim. Islam allows women to work, seek knowledge, engage in business, testify in court, uphold the ties of kinship, visit the sick, and so on, but it has set limits regarding her going out in order to protect her and to prevent the foolish from harassing her.
We say to the questioner:
Many western women, when they think about it and come to know the reality of Allaah’s laws concerning women, do not hesitate to declare their Islam and enter into the religion of the Prophets and the righteous.
In Islam, women are protected and looked after. That is not in return for her staying in the home only, rather that is because she plays a great role, which is taking care of her husband and raising and caring for children. This is an important role, because the soundness or corruption of society depends on the extent to which mothers are successful in their raising and teaching of their children.
One of the largest British insurance companies carried out a study on one million housewives, which produced amazing results. This study showed that the average full-time housewife spends 19 hours per day meeting the needs of her family, because she is the one who is raising the children, teaching them, looking after family members when they fall sick, and is responsible for the household budget.
In addition to that – looking at what the houswife’s value from a purely materialistic point of view, far removed from any emotional criteria – a woman who stays at home is the most valuable thing the family can have.
Op. cit., p. 118, 119
It has become clear to many wise women the serious danger posed by the false freedom that they are enjoying and they have finally realized where this path will lead them. It is stated in another study that:
80% of American women think that the freedom that women have gained in the last 30 years is the reason for the promiscuity and violence that are prevalent nowadays.
75% feel worried about the loss of values and the disintegration of the family.
80% have great difficulty in combining their responsibilities at work with their responsibilities towards their husbands and children.
87% said that if the clock was turned back they would consider the demands for equality as a social conspiracy against the United States and they would resist those who raise the banner of equality.
op. cit., p. 147
All it needs is for you to think about the matter a little, and look at real life, and you will see that hijab spares women from evil, harm and crimes. Islam has closed the door to such evils with its laws, including the requirement for women past the age of puberty to wear hijab.
Finally we would like to congratulate you on the fact that Allaah has granted you a Muslim husband, so that you will be able to see Islam in practice from him and his Muslim relatives, which may encourage you to enter Islam and which may remove the barrier of fear about entering this great and purely monotheistic religion. Also note that entering this final religion, which Allaah wants for all people, is a great honour of which you may be deprived if you delay and death then overtakes you. So hasten to enter Islam, with submission to the will of Allaah, with eagerness and delighting in this blessing of Allaah.
You should note that if you fall short in your observance of hijab because your human weakness or you feel embarrassed in front of your people, this is regarded as a sin. That should not prevent you from doing the great good deed which will lead you to Paradise and save you from Hell, namely embracing Islam. You should also note that the Shaytaan (Satan) is the enemy of all the sons of Adam, and he is the one who is stirring up these doubts in order to prevent you from entering this religion, so that he can increase the number of those who will follow him to Hell. So be strong and courageous in making the decision that will lead to eternal happiness, by Allaah’s leave. We ask Allaah to help you and to give you the will power to enter Islam as our sister in Islam, and to share this blessing. We thank you for your confidence in us.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight path.